Oh no, The Zen is going to ruin my fantasy season

Sometimes, I think the NBA is more interesting for what happens off the court. Really, for most games, if you've seen one - you've basically seen them all. Heck, even the announcers start to repeat themselves after about 10 games into the season.

So, when I heard that Phil Jackson was going to return to coach the Lakers to victory this year, I was excited. Phil Jackson = NBA drama. Things were looking up this year! I was afraid I'd have to hear 10,000 pieces of commentary about how Yao was very tall and how Earl Boykins was very short. But, regarding Phil, I had two lingering concerns.

The first thought in my head was that Phil is so cool - he wants to get 10 rings! He wasn't always the best coach out there, but his ability to actually get his best players to play at their potential resulted in a lot of shiny pieces of bling. Of course, having MJ, Pippen, Shaq, and Kobe could potentially result in even me getting a 300 karat shiny thing on my hand, but that's just my pipe dream.

But then the second thought that hit me was - Has Phil Jackson actually gone more crazy than he already was? The man's insanity in the past was just enough to make him a genius. Sometimes, I thought he was in his own little world - but he magically hypnotized his players into playing just because they had no clue what else they should have been doing. The really tall head coach had enough sanity left to boost away from the land-of-chaos that is Los Angeles...... but something drew him back..... I think the man really has gone bonkers.

Here's a guy who's gone through his coaching career with lines such as... If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball... The Power of We is stronger than the Power of Me... Dennis (Rodman) has given up his whole life - wrestling, movies, MTV. Think of the things he's had to give up to play basketball.

And through all this, he was freaking brilliant. Unfortunately, my worst fear has come true. Phil is now, officially, bonkers. Today, this is what I'm greeted with when I do some fun reading about my #1 pick:
"He (Kobe) can become like a thumb that you need to suck when trouble's going on," Jackson said. "You just stick it back in your mouth. We don't want to do that with Kobe."

Hey Phil - I have news for you. Michael Jordan was the biggest "suck" that you had your entire coaching career, and he won you six bloody championships. MJ had a lot of sucking going on every single time you needed a big shot, a big play, or someone to help distract the media from Dennis. Now, in 2005, you want Kobe ready for sucking! Kobe should hear that sucking sound all the time without you getting concerned. Why else is Kobe a superstar while the rest of the guys on the squad named Smush, Sasha, and Laron are going to be forgotten faster than last week's lunch menu? Suck on Kobe some more goddamnt, I drafted Kobe and I was expecting the sucking!

This has been translated into Kobe's grand total of three pointers in the preseason of ...... zero. The new "wing man" in LA is not taking any shots from downtown and is looking to pass as his first option. Oh. My. God.

I think the more important thing is that Kobe needs Lamar and Kwame to just play without sucking too much - is that too much to ask? Given Phil's new train of thought, I want Kobe and suck to go hand in hand, or my entire fantasy team is going to end up sucking.